Beverage Laboratory

To the casual observer glancing through the door, this room would appear to be a quite ordinary if somewhat messy and pungent chemistry laboratory. Stout workbenches form an island in the centre, their surfaces scarred and charred over the years by fire and chemicals. Laboratory glassware filled with suspiciously bubbling, smoking liquids sit atop the island and something in the chipped porcelain sink emits a faint green glow. Sheaves of papers (including handwritten, early drafts of the Professor's tea-related travel journal "Around the World in 80 Brews" and his sciento-philosophical treatise "With Great Power Comes Great Cups of Tea"), old notebooks and reference works lie around the room. If a visitor with a keen scientific eye were to look closer, however, they would notice that this goes beyond growing copper sulphate crystals and making invisible ink with lemon juice. Far beyond. For it is in this room that the Professor has created such wondrous and improbable beverages as would delight the taste buds of princes and paupers alike, bring parties to life, kill stubborn weeds and strip paint from railway bridges.

Some of the most notable creations include :

Horse Brandy (Recipe : Milk a horse. Then you extract all of the horse milk and you add loads of really cheap brandy. You heat it up, then stir it back into a liquid and serve it to guests.)

Horse Brandy Sauce (The Ultimate Condiment. Not for sale to children. Legally dubious throughout Europe. Anecdotal claims of adverse physiological effects completely unfounded)

The self-stirring Storm in a Teacup (nowhere near as good as expected)

Dr. Elemental's Cure-All Wormwood-Ceylon Tea and Purgative ("When you go W-C, you'll go WC")

Elemental's Bathtub No. 12 Gin (doubles as local anaesthetic and hand sanitiser)

Psychedelic Breakfast Tea (not much room with all these fun guys)